Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
