david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize