I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
