a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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