At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize