I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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