That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
