So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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