the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
