I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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