he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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