Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
