Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
