I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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