I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Floor bacon is actually really good
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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