There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
