Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize