you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
