Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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