Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
