I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
