I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
