i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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