My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
