I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
