Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
