Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
