Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
