Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
