She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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