Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
