we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
