are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
