i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So squirting runs in the family.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You pole danced in your parka.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
