I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
