so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
