I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
