I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
