Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
