How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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