i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
