Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
