just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
zippers are such a cool invention
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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