He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just invented taco cereal.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
