I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
