tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
