I want to have your abortion
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
