new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
my poor anus
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
