Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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