You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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