Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
