does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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