she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
