Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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