I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
