The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
