and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
this boner is exhausting
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize