i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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