THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
