I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
