it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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