I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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