2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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