U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
