Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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