you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
