Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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