I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
