I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I had to cum in my sink.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
