my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
