Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
