its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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