Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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