butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
